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Don’t Forget About Us- Take Advantage of Life’s ‘I Know a Girl’ Moments

Sam Law

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“It’s necessary to have friends who mention your name in a room full of opportunities.” -Charlamagne Tha God

Imagine being a fly on the wall in a banquet room. Seated on the left is a CEO you’ve been dying to meet...the leader of a company that could skyrocket your business into the next tax bracket. On the right is the brand ambassador for a fashion design company you’d really love to collaborate with on a merchandising campaign. Seated between the two is your childhood best friend. The small talk topics range from the weather to current events, yet at no point during the luncheon does your friend bring up your name or your business. As the plates are cleared and the platters taken away, so too fades the chance for your big break. Though the focus lately has been on how other groups have neglected to give black lives their due, today I am shifting the conversation. In this blog post, I turn the lens inward: we in the black community have failed to show the very support we demand of others to ourselves. Don’t forget about us. 


Silence in the face of opportunity is a crippling blow. When due credit isn’t given, opportunities are missed out on, just like in the story of Joseph, the baker, and the cupbearer in the Bible. 

Joseph, the Baker and the Cupbearer- A Case Study in Crippling Silence

In this story, Joseph is wrongfully imprisoned after being kidnapped from his homeland. At this time, Pharaohs were the ruling entity and as such could arbitrarily incarcerate citizens deemed to be a threat to their monarchical privilege. Pharaoh spared no one, arresting anyone and everyone who got in his way...including his chief baker and cupbearer. 

Here, we find Joseph, the baker and the cupbearer in the same state of imprisonment. During this time, the baker and the cupbearer begin having vivid dreams. Joseph uses his talents of divine intuition to interpret them. He foresees the cupbearer being released and the baker being executed. Joseph explicitly asks the cupbearer—”please remember me and do me a favor when things go well for you. Mention me to Pharaoh, so he might let me out of this place” (Genesis 40:14).

I would love to say that the cupbearer remembered how Joseph's talents leveraged his own success, so he returned the favor when given the chance. Sadly, that didn't happen. The cupbearer was released at the request of Pharaoh, just like Joseph had predicted, and the cupbearer “forgot all about Joseph, never giving him another thought” (Genesis 40:23). The cupbearer, self-absorbed in his own freedom, has now forgotten how Joseph used his talents to leverage his success. He had ONE job.
The “I Know A Guy/ Girl” Moment

Now, we all know *that* person who always ‘knows a girl’. 

Need the hookup on makeup before a big photoshoot? “I know a girl.”

Need a private bartender for a party? “I know a guy.”

The only thing more powerful than being the referral...is being the person who offers it. What that means, is realizing that mentioning your friends in the space of opportunity makes you MORE powerful; it doesn’t detract from it. You elevate yourself while you elevate others in the process.

So how could the cupbearer have flipped the script and done things differently? 

All the cupbearer had to do was go to Pharaoh and say “Master, you know what? I know a guy...Joseph. While imprisoned, his talents as a powerfully intuitive dream interpreter helped me get out of this situation. You should talk to him about how he can benefit your administration.” 


Don’t Forget About Us- Take Advantage of Life’s ‘I Know a Girl’ Moments

I don’t know who needs to hear this but supporting your friend’s successes does NOT mean you will have less success in your own life and your own hustle. People of color especially need support and encouragement; yes, we know. But what we need just as much, is the support within our community when the chance arises.

To my fellow millennials...you have that same intuitive divine talent. Whereas Joseph interpreted dreams, you have the power to use your #MillennialMagic-- leverage your connections as influencers to BE influential. Mention your friends in comments on relevant content. Tag your friends in posts with powerful people if given an opportunity.


 In a room of opportunities, how can you leverage your power by mentioning the friends who helped you get there?

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“Opening up was the turning point. Instead of dissing me, they began to root for me. They wanted to walk my journey with me.” —Charlamagne Tha God What if we started opening up. Telling our stories for everything they are worth. I bet when we start sharing these stories, opening up, being honest, and vulnerable—only then, we will find the similarities between one another. No More Gaps No judging. No, “I know exactly how you feel” or “you should have done it this way”. Just plain and simple listening to one another, understanding, acknowledging, and learning. I bet when we make time to have moments like this with our ancestors, our older generations, that then we can begin to bridge the generational gap that has sprouted through years of technological change. There is no doubt that there is a gap that needs bridging. Actually, there are many gaps that need bridging. The one I want to focus on here is the generational differences, and in turn, we can begin to learn and bridge other gaps as well. We are different than our parents. Our parents are different than their parents. There is an endless cycle of differences. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Once we accept and realize our differences we can use them to bridge the gaps that our society is facing—generational discrimination. We are the generation of change. Our generation has The Unique Ability for Millennials to Disrupt Institutional Racism. This is our #MillenialMagic. This is the very power that we hold between our lips, in the words that are yet to be said, but dying to come out. First, though, we must understand and connect with the generations before us. They did it. They did things we will never have to deal with, just like they will never have to deal with the things that we have gone through. Using Understanding and Communication to learn We need to open our minds. We can’t learn when we just think of those that are older than us as outdated and not with the times. Did you ever stop to think that maybe that they are just scared? Scared because everything is digital and everything has changed so drastically in just 20 years. That can be a lot for people to handle. If they could see the good that technology can do though. The good that it has done. It connects people. It supports people and allows for more opportunities. It allows us to search for jobs, to read blogs from all over the world, to find advice, to find answers, and learn. I get it though. Change is scary. When done right though, change can be wonderful. You see, those generations before us are trying to hold on, while us Millenials are trying to progress. We spend our days immersed in our technology, and the older generations fear we are living behind our devices and not in the real world. When we take the time to understand, then we open up a door, a door for them to understand. Take their hand and say “let me show you”, be patient and kind, and ask for the same in return. We need our ancestor’s knowledge. They have been through it. They have been through war, racism, and sexism. We can learn from them, but we have to ask, and listen. To them, we are buried in our phones, we are selfish, distant, and we only care about ourselves. What if though we open ourselves up as Charlamagne Tha God suggests. What if we say “hey, I need your help on my journey, will you share the story of your journey with me.” It all starts with communication and dialogue. Once we have this door open, we can shut all the other doors that lead to generational discrimination. We can bridge the gap, and transfer that knowledge to keep bridging gaps. We can take this knowledge and apply it to the Black Lives Matter movement, we can learn how to stand up and stand out for our people, and how we can support one another in every way, shape and form that we can. No one can do it all on their own. Each and every one of us needs a support system. We all need people to lift us up when we feel down, for people to believe in the work that we are doing when we feel discouraged, and for those same people to mention our names in a room full of opportunities. Reflect—Do You Take the Time to Support Those Around You? Do you hype up your best friend who is an aspiring photographer? When you hear someone needs a wedding photographer do you proudly say “I know a person!” Or do you keep quiet and say nothing at all? Your friend that bakes sweets as a side business, do you ask her to “hook it up with some free pastries”? Or do you place an order on her website and pay FULL price because you believe in supporting your friend’s business? Asking for free goods from your friends is not supporting their business. Paying full price does. Reposting their content on social media does. Bringing their name up in a conversation when an opportunity is knocking does. This one is for the millennials like myself, who have the privilege of technology at the tips of their fingers. Repost your friends. Repost strangers! You don’t have to know someone to support them. This is the beauty of the world that we live in. I think we become afraid that if we take a moment to support someone other than ourselves then in the process we will make ourselves less sparkly to the rest of the world. In my most recent blog, Don’t Forget About Us- Take Advantage of Life’s ‘I Know a Girl’ Moments, I cover this phenomenon. Why? Because it is important, it is vital, and because good karma is a real thing. I promise you that promoting and supporting those around you will not hurt your own endeavors. Do you think the greatest artists in the music industry just walked into the studio and popped out a hit and started rising on the charts? No. They worked hard, broke their backs, didn’t sleep, and then got that chance of a lifetime because someone believed in them and mentioned their name. How Did Our Ancestors Do It? The Black Lives Matter movement has surfaced tons of support for black businesses and community members. This is a small but necessary step towards victory. Nothing can make you shine less, except for yourself. Black folks and those of color need more of those “I know a girl/guy moments”. We have suffered too long, we have all suffered. This year especially has thrown us down, picked us up, and then threw us even farther. This year has brought us... A pandemic that has killed 190K, which has brought on millions of Americans losing their jobs... Deaths of black folks like Breonna Taylor and George Floyd, and arrests of other innocent black people who are rightfully angry and tired of the oppression that our people have faced for years… I mean how did our ancestors do it? I think about the things that our parents and grandparents went through and I am speechless. I see the world hurting and suffering, and I want answers. Answers for recovery and answers on how to stay hopeful. So I begin to look to our ancestors, to how those before us stood up during the civil rights movement, the feminist movement, and the LGBTQ movement. How did they do it? How do we do it? Why are we still doing it? Why on earth do we still have to keep fighting for equality? I think about it, and I pause, and I feel like we have already done all this before. We have already fought these movements, we have already been beaten down and bruised by our oppressors, yet we still have to fight. We still have to protest, but our ancestors had it worse, they had the brunt of it all. At least I can walk into a diner and have service. At least I can use the same restroom as the white woman in the stall next to me. At least I can go to school and learn in the same class as white folks. At least I can get on a bus without fearing arrest for refusing to give up my seat to a white man. On the other spectrum, black folks are still dying. There are too many black mothers crying and there are too many brothers and sisters dying. Racism is still real. People still look at the color of my skin and see someone ‘different’. Cops still kill black people substantially more than white people. The black community only accounts for 13% of the population, yet they account for 25% of police shootings. You Can’t Steal Our Joy So I look to our ancestors because this isn’t the first Pandemic. This isn’t the first time people of color are dying. This isn’t the first time that poverty is striking the nation. Many of our grandparents or great grandparents were born during and lived through the Spanish Influenza, which wiped out as many as 50 million people worldwide. Our female ancestors were bound to the house to take care of the children, as this was a woman’s duty back then. Forget an education, a career, and a life—the home was the woman’s responsibility. The 60s brought about peaceful protests via sit-ins. When I think about the patience and the virtue my ancestors must have had to sit down at a table and face the wrath of white people screaming and yelling slurs in their faces, it hurts me. Not to mention, it was only five short years ago when gay marriage became legal. The world has continuously pushed us down, but we must continue to use our #MillenialMagic to push back, to stand up, and to stand strong. We can continue to make strides. We can’t win this race alone. We must learn from those who have already done it all so that we can continue the fight. Sexism, racism, and homophobia raided our ancestor’s joy, but it won’t continue to raid ours. So I leave you with this...what can you gain by being open and honest? Who can you connect with? What story will you share, and in return what story will be shared with you? Take this honesty and these stories and spread them like wildfire. Use them to fuel a better world, a world where we stand next to and not apart from our ancestors, and a world where we give those around us the opportunity we would ask them to give to us. Together we stand. The one that I want to focus on here is the generational gaps, and in turn, we can begin to learn and bridge other gaps as well.

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